Edit & Context: I wrote this back in 2014, after getting frustated with P’s constant banging on that she will never get with anyone, let alone get married because she doesn’t want anyone. I was inspired to write this letter, just in case she did find someone to spend her time with, and for me to laugh at. I forgot that this existed, but after one of our many conversations – I was reminded of this lost treasure. It’s now something we both can laugh about; posted with permission, of course.
Dear P’s future boyfriend,
Hey, hi! She would have probably told you who I am. I am the person she talks to daily, whenever our time zones permit. She’s been gone from my side for a good 4 years and counting, depending where she will be when she leaves Pinetree. I doubt she’ll come back, I don’t want her to come back – I know she’s better off where she is. You should know that, too. She tells me now and then, she won’t ever get together with someone, let alone settle down and get married. If you are the lucky one to have won her heart over and are reading this right now, here’s just a few things you need to know about Perli.
She’s crazy. Absolutely nuts, I hope you know what you signed up for, because you’re in for one hell of a ride. We were the adolescent screaming version of DX – I’m not kidding, crotch chop and all. We got into trouble for doing that, and screaming Suck It – birds of a feather flock together. Once she sent me 500 deflated balloons, what the hell for? No reason, just wanted a laugh.
She’s fun to be around. I hope this is one of the reasons you love her, and if it’s not, it will be one very soon. She is, the only person I won’t get sick of after seeing her for 5 days straight. In fact, calling her on the weekends was a norm – and of course, Match Attax. I gave her my Rooney card and she gave me a John Terry foil card – even something as frivolous as that was fun – also to my next point.
She’ll have your back. 4 glorious years of long distance bestships, and she still has my back. She definitely will have yours, shout and she’ll probably show up to your door with her ball of energy (and food). Need a listening ear? She’ll lend you both. Need a shoulder to cry on? Done.
She won’t interrupt your football. She’ll probably be watching/screaming with you. She might scare you with her dedication to the Kop. I’m assuming you are a LFC fan, and if you’re not, well, she’ll still watch the game with you. Hell, if you’re a Man Utd fan – you’re pretty damn lucky she loves you more than she loves LFC (& me).
And certainly not your F1. If you’re a Hamilton fan, well good luck – she’s going to roast the hell out of you. [Perli, can I join you too?]
Her heart is huge. I’m telling you, it’s pretty big. I know she looks so done and she wants to slap you, but if you need something she’ll get it for you and expect nothing in return. She’ll think of you when she walks into a shop, or if she looks at something and think, “Hmm.. he’ll like that, let me get it for him.”.
She’s loyal. I cannot emphasise this enough, I can’t. She’s been through hell, heaven, everything with me. Every unfortunate event, my triumphs, my screw-ups, she’s stuck with me even though she’s 14k KM away from me. Most people disappear in times I need them the most, but not this one. You probably won’t catch her looking at the “menu” when you’re with her, because the only person she wants to look at would be you.
She’s the best friend everyone needs in their life.
Yes, you are dating a hot-headed, passionate, feisty girl. She will argue with you, she will scream at you for things you think mean close to nothing. There will be times she will drive you up many walls, push you to your limit, and even challenge you on your views. But ask yourself, would you rather be with someone who agrees with you and does nothing to help you improve yourself, or someone who will walk with you, disagree with you and provide you with a perspective you’ve never seen before? If you choose the former, well then – stop right there, hug her goodbye and save her (& yourself) the trouble. She will fight with you (when needed), but it comes with unconditional and a lifetime of love.
Of course, she can’t be your support all the time. She’s human and will make mistakes. Especially since you are her first (& only). My only request, is please be her support when needed, and love her with all your heart. Be the better best friend to her. Share your life with her, because she will do the very same.
I hope to meet you soon, if you ever grace her life – I want to meet the man my best friend fell in love with.