I’m a little late to the #F1Summer gang, and I apologise for it. I’ve been busy. Most of my friends are going off to university next week, while I, begin what I would like to call, a fulfilling gap year. I must say, I kinda miss going back to school (I probably won’t when I do start next year) with all my friends, but there is a comforting feeling in there. You see, I’m beginning to see myself different. I’m not going through the conventional way, the path where everyone that was with me, is going there now. I’m going to take an entirely different route, many will disprove, many will shake their heads and of course, many will think I’m crazy. I don’t blame them, I think so too. But, but but but, I know it’s going to be the right route for me. I’m starting to see my life as those hillclimb race tracks. It’s curvy, full of sharp bends, and dangerous (though I’m sure safety has improved over the years). 2015 was crazy for me; so far, 2016 has been crazy, but in a different way. I’m very thankful for the way it turned out, each road bump has been a (often) painless learning for me. I’m recovering slowly, at my own pace and at my own time. There are quite a few adventures ahead that I’m pretty excited about, and I’ve been dying to share with you (the reader)!
My best friend (thank you P) bought me an agenda for my birthday, I’m not entirely sure why but she knows I love stationery, and I just love the feel of a bunch of paper in spiral bound. For someone who’s not going to university (just yet), my pages are being filled with errands/activities. :’) I can only imagine what it’s going to look like when I am done with it. I find it really therapeutic to just look at all the things I need to do for the day/week/the next day and go according to it. I don’t know what makes me more excited – going out and actually striking out the things I’ve done or decorating it and making me want to keep busy. I think it’s also a brilliant way to track progress, how well I’m doing, my thoughts and how I feel that day. I must say as a child, I enjoyed writing down my thoughts and ideas and looking back at it to feel proud/nostalgic/accomplished. I still have them, those diaries.Basically, what I’ve been doing the past few days. I literally write everything – from TV shows to watch, errands I need to do, reminders and also tracking my German lessons.
Yes, I’m going to be working at UNIQLO next week 🙂 after many failed job interviews and internships (I got a few successful ones as well), I finally chose to settle down at the clothing brand. I’m using this opportunity as a springboard to greater things (no, really, I am) and hopefully this will teach me a few things or two about working life (that has no familial connections) and of course, customer service. I never really worked at a place where customer satisfaction is the top priority, so this is going to be the first. I’ll be able to (firsthand) experience how really dreadful (as a good friend of mine out it) customer service is. I like to believe I’m a lot more open to opportunities, and just learning about the real world in general. Waking up at 6.30 am and not for school? No, I don’t know what that will be like, but I’ll be able to tell you when I leave UNIQLO.
Though my aunt has (graciously) allowed me to live with her until I am ready (for my next big adventure – whatever it may be), I have been learning to be independent. I pay for my own expenses – phone bill, lunch outings with friends, etc. It feels good to be able to pay for my own wants and of course, needs. Call me a drama queen, but I see my phone as a need. I need my phone, I feel the need to connect with friends/family and the world around me. News apps keep me posted and in the loop, I get my emails at a ping and the photo library keeps memories of my days. I worked earlier the year and saved up for a brand new phone, and I can’t tell you how excited I must have been, to pay and know that I just saved and payed for my own phone. Now that aside, I turned 19 in June – and with that milestone comes a chunk load of responsibility. It hit me hard, that with growing up, comes inevitable growing accountability. It is no longer my parents’ fault, or school, or teachers – everything will be my own doing and fault. I can no longer blame people/environment/circumstances, whatever I choose, whatever decisions I make will have consequences, and it will be all on me. Good or bad, it will be my own doing and only me. Sure, my circumstances are what they are, what I do next with it is all mine. I don’t know what you think, but I know I’m sure as hell am scared, petrified even. But, I know it’s going to be ok. Everything will be a learning process, and I won’t be repeating mistakes I’ve made – and that’s all I can ask of myself.
Similar to the point made prior, I’m at that crossover – from an inward-looking, hot-headed teenager to a (hopefully) more open, mature and educated adult. I find that as I grow up, holidays get shorter, problems are less blue/red and things that I could do as a teenager in school I can’t anymore. I am now, still a minor but legal and accountable for every move I make – good or bad. Something I would tell small children that exclaim mindlessly that they wanna grow up and be an adult, is to slow down and enjoy it. It’s fascinating how children are so shielded, so innocent from what is around them. I find it mildly amusing to hear them discuss real issues (gay marriage, Trump, racism etc), but why? Slow down, don’t worry about it. I know people disagree that children should know of such things, but their minds aren’t as developed, and they most likely won’t understand. Let them explore, let them figure it out. The first 18 years (I must say) is a very slow process of learning, and slowly peeling away innocence and ignorance and building up opinions of how the world works. Anyway, I digress. It scares me that I am closer to being 21 than I am to 13. I remember walking into a new school when I was going to turn 13, wondering what my teenage years will be like. To answer my own question, a very wild ride, it was, indeed.
And that, concludes my long post. I have more content to post, which will be posted on Sunday. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. If you want to discuss or say hello, leave me a comment and I will get back to you in the morning (it’s currently 01 10 and I need to sleep). There won’t be any F1-related posts for the next 3 weeks, so stay tuned 😉